Pet treats can make you rich!

So, I'm not really great about keeping up with this whole blogging thing. I have all these great thoughts in my head & by the time I get to actually write anything down, *POOF* it's gone. Having 2 boys really kills the memory department of my brain.

Today, however, wasn't a bad morning & I have some time to type before having to go get our oldest from school. I had a huge tangent conversation in my head while doing dishes. It first started with how I never finished this song I was working on for a female blogger I had been following. I think that I just felt too distance from her (I don't know why), & my heart wasn't in it. I decided that I would write a different song, for the new mommy blogger I had been stalking... errr, following. She has actually liked or responded to things I have said on her FB page. Being acknowledged by another person with kids that drive you nuts can have an uplifting affect.

While I was thinking about song lyrics, I couldn't help but think of the old song & of that blogger. It made me think of the old posts from her I had read. One in particular was about how she had to be the escort to a political cat or something. It had me thinking, "What happens when the cat dies?" "Would another cat run for office the next term?"

It made me laugh & I thought about how when people leave all of their inheritance to a cat & people try to gain custody of the cat. I am sure most people like that let the pet choose. So, moral of the story, if you ever have to go to a will reading & you know pets will be involved, make sure you have awesome pet treats in your pockets.

Ok, SO I understand that not a lot of readers actually read what I write, but I still like the idea that someday, when my kids think that I have lost my mine, I can go back to this blog & give them details of exactly how our lives were & they will either realize that I am not going crazy, or that I have always been crazy.

I have been doing more photography lately. That means taking more pictures with film, developing prints, etc. I put my stuff in another show & had to pay money to do it. It wouldn't be such a big deal if they didn't keep your money after they deny your work... bastards at the paper. However, my most beloved friend gave me a great idea!

Me: They didn't accept my pieces for the show downtown.

Her: Booooo!!!! Burn the building down!!!!!!

Me: Nobody reads the damn paper anymore anyways!

Her: Exactly! Give Leland a broom and some fire and have him run around the venue!

Me: Because who's gonna punch a baby, right?

Her: Exactly! And then you can sue them for letting your kid burn down the building, they should of been on top of that shit.

Me: Poor security, you're lucky he didn't die!

Her: Reckless endangerment! And child abuse because they punched a baby! Monsters.

Me: Exactly, it's a classic story of  "damned if ya don't, damned if ya do"

Her: It would just be best if they just set fire their own building, that way they wouldn't have to deal with any law suits.

Me: I agree, that way they could keep all the insurance money to themselves

Her: They would have to make it look like an electrical thing, or like a 2 year old with a flaming broom did it


So see, obviously our second son will be a pyro & we just need to find a creative outlet for this upcoming masterpiece. That is the lesson I took away from this.

Like blender mush

Well, once again, it's that time where I see that I haven't written a damn thing in a while. I want to. I used to say some pretty damn witty things to myself all the time. Hence, my starting, (and naming) of the blog. And as I type this one-handed, while holding a half naked child, I realize that it doesn't matter how many blogs I post or what they are about.

So, I thought that I would go ahead & type about nothing. Why not?

Nothing, really... really?

Yeah.

Isn't that Seinfeld's thing?

Seinfeld was an entire show about nothing, this is just a post about nothing.

You've done that before, blogged about nothing.

But usually, I post about something, so as long as my entire blog isn't about nothing, it's ok. For damn sakes, it's called, "I do that all the time" not, "If Seinfeld was blogging".

I guess, you might want to start another blog, you know to write about nothing.

I can't do that, I already have two other blogs for photography projects I am working on that I don't post enough in already.

You're like a failed writer, "I can't seem to finish this book, I will just start another" & there starts the cycle.

So, I apparently have become an unpaid publishing writer with no real ambition.

Yes, you aren't getting paid for posting things to the internet without any real meaning.

OK, I am glad that has been established.

Sexy Slushy Time!

I was going to start this blog on a different subject, but by itself would not be as great as the conversation I had with my husband, & by conversation, I mean as he talked, I laughed.

First off, we had just put the boys to bed & decided to do some cleaning up. As we were in the kitchen, he decides to suddenly puff out his cheeks & try to kiss me all "Sunny with a chance of meatballs" kind of way. I giggle & lean in... I burst out laughing, but he has convidence that "we can do this!" So, I puff out my cheeks, he puffs his, we touch lips & I lose it. My lips start to leak air & I am spittering at him & he laughs & starts up again. Each time I am laughing & my cheeks begin to hurt from the process. The next time we try I close my eyes & he laughs & screws it up. He tells me that we just need to try again, so I tell him that I closed my eyes the last time b/c I thought not seeing it would help, & he agrees, closes his eyes & leans in before I am ready. This made me lose it & I couldn't stop laughing.

A few minutes go by & he asks if I want something to drink. He told me he wished we had some slushy left from when we went to the store, which btw, if we did, it would be melted. Anyhow, I point out to him that he could go to the corner to the gas station where they sell slushies & get one:

Husband: That is a great idea

Me: You don't have to go, it's late.

Husabnd: No, no, no, it's gonna happen, it's sexy slushy time.

Me: Sexy slushy time?

Husband: Yes, there's gonna be a slushy party in my mouth, there's going to be juice all over my face.

Me: Laughter

Husband: Yes, I am going to make layer upon layer of delicious sexy flavors of slushy.

And he gets ready to leave.

Needless to say, I will now be having a slushy

Mega 80's, wah-POW!

I love the 80's. Hell, I was born in the 80's. That's why I love the going to Mega 80's. http://mega80s.com/ If you don't have a local band in your area that can not only sing 80's pop, but then end the night in 80's rock, then I feel sorry for you. And when I mean sing, they can really sing. It's not some karaoke sing-a-long, they sing like it's their job. Because it is. They go around in the MI area & usually preform in my area once or twice a month. I wish I could go every month, but having 2 kids at home, I settle for 3 times a year.
What does one where to such a thing? 80's inspired attire of course! That's not too hard since the bright colors are making a come back. I have always had some 80's clothes, so I was ahead of the trend anyways. The first time I went I didn't have a whole lot of it going on, & I looked way out of place. The more you go, the more you know. I have seen women show up in 80's wedding dresses & prom dresses. I have seen men show up in tight shorty shorts & Vice suits. My husband has a Jack Burton tank top he wears. Needless to say, I am looking forward to Saturday night, I guess that makes it all right....

It has not been 3 mos!

   It has only been like 2.5 mos since my last post thank you! I do hope that I can blog a bit more in the months to come. I kinda shut down in the winter, which I think is funny b/c I thought blogging would give me something to do, but oh well.
   Any way, we got our taxes! We also have 2 kids & are poor! So that means we have one time a year to get the things we need, lol. This year our big ticket item was a used Pacifica. It's a Chrysler, so that means luxury! This is what happens when you go to the store in it:

Me: There's a spot, that car is leaving. Wait, did he just just completely back out & re-park?
VL: He did, he totally looked like he was leaving!
Me: WTH! This is a luxury vehicle!
We all laugh
(There's a total of three of us in the car, all female)

Me: Fine whatever, he apparently didn't see us.
(I believe that VL called him a Peck or something)
We drive past the car to the end & turn left to where shoppers are leaving.

VL: You could have hit those people!
Me: L-U-X-U-R-Y vehicle.
VL: Get out of the way, peasants!
Laughing

Me: You apparently don't understand the power of luxury! I do, from what I have learned from you mother-in-law.
VL: That is true (snickering)

Me: Is that another luxury vehicle? (It's another Pacifica, coming from the other direction
VL: It is! Same color & everything!

It turns down the aisle before I can.

Me: It just took my spot, but that's ok, it's a LUXURY vehicle.
VL: This is acceptable.
Me: I'll just park right next to it then, it'll be a luxury party!
(There was a spot right next to it)

As we get out of the vehicle, we notice that there is a Lexus next to us too. I had no idea that there was a luxury parking spot area at the store! I also saw across from the front of the vehicles, there were three Chevy SUV's. One in front of each of the Elite. I pointed out that it was a stand off between the luxury vehicles & the wanna be's. When we came back out after shopping, it was apparent we won. One of the Chevy's was gone, & the Pacifica next to me was replaced by a Lexus for 2 total. HA!

Chompers!

I know it's been a while since I have written anything. Life has gotten busy & I am easily distracted. I had been on TheBloggess's cite, & after the conversation I had with m husband last night, I had to jump on here & write it. The reason why I started blogging to begin with, was so that I would have like a virtual journal. We have enough note books & crap around here, & I didn't want to add to it. Not to mention that if it got lost, I would cry. I just want something to prove to our children that we were always this crazy.

Anyhow, when I was pregnant with Leland back in 2010, I ended up developing periodontal disease. It was taken care of after I had him, but my gums are still sensitive. While flossing my teeth last night, I was thinking to myself that I could totally see loosing a couple of them in my forties(not that my teeth are gross) & expressed that to my husband.

He held me, told me to look at him, & while gazing into his eyes he said,

Him: "Don't worry, if you start losing teeth, I'll pull mine out & we can get titanium ones bolted in.

Me: "So, if I start losing my teeth, you're going to replace them with titanium ones?"

Him: "Yes, but don't worry, I'll let you pick out the bat."

This is the kind of love I married, lol.

Plant vs. Floor

We have a little basil plant that will be lucky to make it through winter. When we first bought it, I had hopes that it would get bigger & need to get transplanted to a bigger pot. However, my husband & our sons are trying to kill it. First, it was Elon(the 3 yr old). He knocked it off the ledge & a lot of soil came out. I wasn't worried about the plant at the time, more of the stain it might leave on the carpet. A few weeks later, my husband managed to get a cord around the plant, still in the window, & knock it down. He promptly blamed it on my life partner, Emily. (Don't worry, plants being knocked over will not make us run away together). Last week, the baby knocked it over. I was holding him, looking out the window, & just as I was turning away, he lunged at it. The poor plant only has loose soil now. It needs me to water it twice as much now. It's become depressed basically.

Plant: hi, could you get me some more water?

Me: I just watered you last night.

Plant: I know, but I just was wondering, since you're here..... I mean, it wouldn't hurt.

Me: I think that you have developed a fetish, I refuse to waterboard you.

Plant: I don't need that much more water, just a taste. I think that I have this dry spot at the bottom of the pot. You can't see it, that's all really.

Me: You don't have a fetish, you have a problem. You are an addict. If I give you too much water, your leaves will turn yellow.

Plant: So, you only want me to look pretty for you?

Me: No, it's just that....

Plant: LIAR! I had no idea you judged me like that! I thought you cared about me? You are the only one in this house that hasn't knocked me over! I thought you cared about me!

Me: I only care about the way you taste.

What? No autosave?

Over a week ago, I had blogged about something & it was great. I was bantering with a plant, wrote about how my kids try to kill stuff, I was really happy with how it turned out. Before I managed to complete it, in order to post it, I had to walk away from the computer to deal with the boys. As I returned, guess what? Computer crashed & didn't save a damn thing. I will probably just start writing it in my Google Docs so that it automatically saves it for me, unlike Blogger here, who apparently lies. I realize that I am writing it directly here & not doing what I said I would, which is write it in Google Docs. However, I am not on my computer, but my husband's, which has a lower crash rate than mine. So, like an addict at AA, this is my last time.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd, we're back.

I thought I would have more time for things, but I don't. In short, I have come to the conclusion that I will not have enough time for all of my interests until at least one of the boys are in school(next year, w00t!). Once both are in school, I will celebrate by running around the house naked, eating peanut butter. Sure, some of you already do that, but I have a child with allergies, so I don't, anymore. I should probably just stick to the yummy soy butter though, b/c what if I get drunk(after noon, of course), & I think it's a good idea to run around, eating it & forget to clean it up? I can't very well drive Elon to the hospital if he has a reaction when he gets home, I might still be buzzed. (Please, don't think everything I say is true, like stated before, I talk to myself(not out loud), & these are the ideas I get & share). Anyways, viva la CHEESE!

Go away GLEE!

I was playing a type of scrabble today & went to look up a word. Guess what word Google asked me I meant? Gleevers? As in people who know the Glee Verses to Glee songs. I don't watch it, so I am out of the loop on this one, but I will be most annoyed if they ever get put on Broadway. Sure, go make a musical out of it, but don't it ruin the graceful stage of Broadway. That would be like Carrot Top performing at The Apollo. I am so mad about it, that's all I have to say.

A blessing in disguise

I usually know what I am going to title my blog before I start, but I wasn't sure where I was going with this topic, so I just thought I would start typing. My husband is now ordained to do weddings, funerals, last rites, etc. No, he is not eligible for tax exemption. Yes he can bless water for a vampire/werewolf attack. It all started with my new interest in becoming Pastafarian. (No spell checker, I did no mean Rastafarian). If you have no idea what I am talking about, go here (remember to came back & finish reading) http://www.venganza.org/ So, I love anything that promotes pirates or beer, but pirates & beer? Making my life choices seem 99% guilt free? SOLD. So, from this my husband wanted to know if the Certification of Ordination was real or not. Yes, we saw that you could get the certificate, but when I checked the site & read discussions, there was no real answer. We checked the internet & you can get ordained, for free. So, why not get for reals ordained? He can totally dress like a pirate & do kickass weddings now! About to die? Don't worry, he can give you last rites. I really just think that this adds to my horror survival plan, for that, I love him more.

I really should be supervised...

So, it's that time of the month. No, not that time of the month. My hair grows so fast that every 3-4 wks I have to think if I am going to cut it, color it, etc. I wanted a more predominant mohawk, so I decided that I would just section my hair off & cut the old color off. I texted my husband to let him know what I wanted to do, which he never minds. He likes the short punky look anyways. So, I thought that during the baby's nap, I would just jump into it. It had been a while since I cut my own hair, but thought that it would be like riding a bike. WRONG. As I was trying to section my hair, the baby woke up & didn't want to go back to bed, something to do with teething, apparently. Even though the part I did on the left side of my head seemed straight, it wasn't until I was done & parting the other side that I noticed it was narrower than I wanted. So, yes, it is a mohawk. No faux hawk here. I am hoping that after I dye it, it will look better than in it's current state. All I could do half way through this was laugh at how "Tank Girl" I looked. I really should be supervised while doing my hair.

Blogger's Block

I thought that when I started writing this blog that I would be able to write one blog a day during the week, & take the weekends off. That way, the weekend would give me something to write about during the week if nothing happened. Well, I would think about something to say, but not have time to get to the computer. Stupid me, I wouldn't take notes down on phone & forget what I wanted to say once I got to the computer.  Yesterday, I had a great thing I wanted to write about. I was certain that there was no way I would forget about it, it was that awesome. Guess what? I totally fucking forgot. As I write this, I am trying to think of the conversation I had with my husband to try to remember, ha! My computer just froze on me after I typed "ha!". This damn thing is against me, too. My dishwasher keeps breaking my damn glasses. The baby keeps head butting me, making me bite my lip/tongue. My husband blocks me as I try to tickle his sweet meats & hits my hand in a way that it hurts. The 3 yr old keeps elbowing my boob! What's next? Is Mr. Cris going to come over & try to get me to choke on water? He does that all the time. He is a damn ninja with that shit. He hasn't done it in a while. I will have to be on the look out for the next strike...

It's too quiet...

I took some hamburger out of the freezer & into the fridge to thaw at like 9am. At 3pm, I took it out, & it's still frozen. I asked my husband what he want to do for dinner since it didn't thaw & he decided to go pick something up. Not a big deal. Our 3 yr old wanted to go with, that's cool. That way I only have to deal with the baby. As the Elon is putting his shoes on to go, the baby sees this & starts throwing a fit. He even walks to the door. My husband asks if he wants to go to, which of course he replies yes. We try getting him to come back from the door so we can change his butt, but he refuses. After I physically take him from the door & give him to DH, I went to change my clothes. DH came & told me not to worry about it, that he would take them. I was shocked. Not, that I don't think he can handle it, it's just never been done before. Sure, I have taken them out together, or left them home with him, but him taking them out, me alone. What am I suppose to do with myself? Run around naked? That's not new, do it all the time, especially after bath night. So, instead of sitting around & talking to myself in my head, why not just write what I am thinking? I know! I can finish that song...

Stupid, face

A few days ago I noticed I have two wrinkles forming across my forehead. My husband is the one turning 30 in 10 days, where the fuck are his wrinkles? Wait, that's right, he's half Hmong. Damn asian gene is going to have him looking  younger than me soon. Bastard is 3 yrs older than me, too. Apparently, while he was showing a video of our son to his teacher Monday night, she saw me in it & said I looked young. Good thing he didn't have the HD zoomed in on my face. I dye my hair. No secret. I love to punk it up, so why can't I start graying? Nope, let's just put aging out there in a form I can't cover up.

Always planning...

While I was washing the dishes today, I realized that if a zombie were to break through my sliding glass door, I might be doomed! Sure, I could probably kill it, but what if more came? I have to get my son from his room & safely into ours. The baby is already napping in my room, but none-the-less, the zombie(s) would see me run through apartment from where I was at. I will have to arm myself with the cast iron skillet from the stove & run down the hallway. Hopefully, I can slip into my room before having to swing at anything. I am sure that this will wake the baby up, so no added stress there! Luckily, I have a dresser right next to the door, but the closet door is right next to that & the closet has a walk through to the bathroom. We usually always close the bathroom door, so I should be able to easily barricade that door from the inside before they notice. I say they b/c I am certain that with the amount of time that has passed, more have come. My real concern is the bedroom window. All I have is a hunting knife in the bedroom, nothing to hammer parts of the crib up against the window with. I think I will move the tool box to the closet... Sure, I could just keep myself in the closet & bathroom area, but this apartment is solid concrete. I barely get any signal, so I  need to be close to the window, even if boarded, in order to be able to contact my husband to let him know where we are & that we are under attack in our home.

From his arrival, would it be better to go to the Frank's or try to drive to my mother's house? The Frank's are only 8 min away & have a condo on the second floor. It would be pretty easy to defend & not too hard to check before trying to leave for supplies. My mother's house in about 20 min away & kinda in the country. She also has well water at her two story house. On the 2nd floor, she has 5 bedrooms, 2 full baths & a fire place in one of the rooms. We could also get solar panels & place those on top of the garage. She is also in the middle of the front 5 acres of land they have, & there aren't really any trees, so visibility is great.

In short: Move tool box into the bedroom. Always leave skillet on the stove. After grabbing boys & barricading doors/window, make contact with husband & the Franks. Move to Frank's for short term until we can get to my mother's.

That's my zombie survival plan, for now. Where's yours?

Stimulate the Economy!

My friend and I went to grab a pizza this Saturday with the intent to also get adult beverages. We walked into the pizza parlor & ordered. Since it was going to take a few minutes, we decided to get our drinks.

VL: Should we take the car?

Me: It's just behind here, we could walk.

VL: Good point, saving the environment, Oneika!

Me: Exactly.

VL: See, we are problem solvers. Bad economy-buy some pizza. Need some exercise- take a walk to buy alcohol to once again, stimulate the economy, We are solving all of the World's problems right now!

I know I said some other things, but her points were flawless & not even worth agruing.

When will I no longer be a boob?

Our 13 mo old is learning more words. It can be really cute. Sometimes, if we are playing with Elon, he'll mimic noises & patterns, too. Lately, his favorite word is "that". "That" is usually followed by him jabbing my breast with his pointy baby finger. As I was sitting, he came walking to me & saying "up". I went to go pick him up & as I was saying,"I Love-", I was cut off by him yelling "BOOB" at me. To reassure myself that he understands the new word he yelled at me, I asked if he wanted boobie. He then began jabbing me in the thats.

I do that all the time!

So, I have this friend that I love dearly. If it wasn't for our husbands, we would run away to Vermont, together.(thank you spell checker for reminding me to capitalize Vermont). She showed me this wonderful blog that made me not hate blogging anymore. That made me check out a blog that my friend has on FB & after reading what these people put up, I thought,"I do that all the time". Meaning, I blog to myself inside my head all day! Why don't I just let other people read it. Yeah, then I won't be lonely...