Plant vs. Floor

We have a little basil plant that will be lucky to make it through winter. When we first bought it, I had hopes that it would get bigger & need to get transplanted to a bigger pot. However, my husband & our sons are trying to kill it. First, it was Elon(the 3 yr old). He knocked it off the ledge & a lot of soil came out. I wasn't worried about the plant at the time, more of the stain it might leave on the carpet. A few weeks later, my husband managed to get a cord around the plant, still in the window, & knock it down. He promptly blamed it on my life partner, Emily. (Don't worry, plants being knocked over will not make us run away together). Last week, the baby knocked it over. I was holding him, looking out the window, & just as I was turning away, he lunged at it. The poor plant only has loose soil now. It needs me to water it twice as much now. It's become depressed basically.

Plant: hi, could you get me some more water?

Me: I just watered you last night.

Plant: I know, but I just was wondering, since you're here..... I mean, it wouldn't hurt.

Me: I think that you have developed a fetish, I refuse to waterboard you.

Plant: I don't need that much more water, just a taste. I think that I have this dry spot at the bottom of the pot. You can't see it, that's all really.

Me: You don't have a fetish, you have a problem. You are an addict. If I give you too much water, your leaves will turn yellow.

Plant: So, you only want me to look pretty for you?

Me: No, it's just that....

Plant: LIAR! I had no idea you judged me like that! I thought you cared about me? You are the only one in this house that hasn't knocked me over! I thought you cared about me!

Me: I only care about the way you taste.